Sunday Morning rain is falling.... (not really)

I find it difficult to think of a title for each of my post. I don't like thinking about it because I feel like I have to write my post according to what the title suggest; thus leaving me limited room to write whatever the hell I want. Instead, I just want to go straight to writing (which I did). It has been about 8 months since my last post. I was re-reading what I wrote last 8 months and I realized how much a person can change in such a short amount of time (Yes, 8 months is short in my opinion). I am in college now, I guess I can say I have matured :) but at the same time I can say I'm not. Whenever I write something and think that I am mature for writing it, when I look back it's like "Holy shit... Why am I so corny and I sound like I'm trying too hard" But that is just me. Reading what I wrote when I was young makes me cringe. Anyway, lets get back to college. I am currently attending Orange Coast College, proud to say that I am on the Cross Country Team ! Yesterday, we got first place as a team and was Southern California Regional Champions. Now aiming for the State Champion title. God... everyone is so fast on the team. I felt like I haven't contribute much. However, I want to do better and help out as much as I can since everyone is so helpful and nice to me. I realized how important it is to be in a place where everyone is happy to see you and how you are excited to see them. The cross country team is always welcoming towards me, even when I am having a really bad day or bad race (like yesterday... I died out big time). Coach Ochoa walked towards after and said "Good job, Kristie, I know how hard it is out there" and I just teared up. I just felt so bless to be a part of the team. I guess we all have bad days. But that make me want to do better.

I realized a lot of things about myself in the past 8 months. In front of people, I always act happy and act like I have no problems. I tried to put up a front. I guess most people are like that; but in reality, everyone has their own problems that they do not want to talk about.     

College has opened my eyes to a lot of new things. I learned a tremendous amount of stuff that is actually useful for life. For example, human sexuality... I feel like that class and English class (which is also about sexuality) helped better my understand towards not just the subject but also humans. Not that I am obsess about sex and think about sex all the time, but it is something that will inevitably become a part of my life (and most people.) I am more opened about all kinds of sexual orientation as of now: gays, lesbians...basically whole LGBTQ community. I have always thought of them as evil or someone who I can't hang out with  because of my parents' hostile attitudes towards them. Also, I think I was gender confused for a good part of my life. I thought I was a lesbian because I always wondered how come boys seem so annoying to me (with the exception of Jeremy and Kevin). I told Rae about it and she kinda set my straight (hehe...) that I was not one. 

I will end my post with one final note about my college plans. I am currently "attempting" to transfer to a UC in one year. I have been studying like a little nerd that I am for the past 8 months hoping to achieve something cool like ahem... getting accepted into UCB and UCLA. I do have doubts; however, it is a risk I am willing to take. I thought about whether or not I will be happy and Ochoa was talking about relative deprivation. It is either you are a big fish in a small pond and thrive or be a small fish in a big pond and blend in like any other student. The thought of it scares me but YOLO (as Julie Mai would put it). Is going to a big UC worth the money? Will the education be worth its money? How much can I put up? So many questions haunt me, yet I'm not even admitted. Haha. Okay let's not get ahead of yourself now Kristie. Anyway, I will end it  here and will take this Sunday to finish up my homework and start writing my personal statement!